Poetry in 2010

limitless limitations not limited to our limiting- 01/27/10

pretty, luscious, full, pink, red, tasty, sexy

wanted, hunted, pursued, lusted after

you, me, three, four, her, them, us, we

naked, fucking, sexting, trading, swapping

buddy, friend, lover, husband, wife, mistress, slut, whore, boy, slave, master

what can we do to one another in the dark?

who are you in the light of day?

can’t it be the same?

shouldn’t it?

censor, distort, detach, marginalize, segregate, split

our Gemini culture

one as many

one as one to some and another to others

don’t you want to encompass as much as you can

trading old masks for new masks

trading one moral code for another

what do we know now?

we grow out of the gray area because we never learn to accept it

I am a fag, I am bi, I am straight, I am I am I am

oh sam

oh all the dead and injured

why aren’t you who we’d like you to be

sexy and distant

afraid of violence?

more afraid of not doing

of not seeing

of not feeling

how do we transcend these definitions

why can’t I kiss her and still fuck him?

why can’t we make love and it not involve our gender?

we all share differently…

all of these curves and contours

and I just want your mind….

your skin explains nothing

this pain in the ass accident scene- 02/26/10

we don’t feel it like we used to

maybe it’s growth

maybe the perspective changes to suit us

what if?

--the scars we have were never etched

--we didn’t love so fucked up

I love all of my fables—my peace trains—my romantic bleeding heart

the longer I live in this skin, this story—the more it encompasses

we are these connections—bursts of laughter, moments of sadness

casualty and success-- our worlds always playing out the inverse

couldn’t we just be?

-- a collection of everything

-- accept everything at once… good through bad?

we punish one another with our moralities, our ideals, our exceptions to the rules…

out from under the rug of someone else’s plan--- I’m sure I stole that line

but here I am. where are you?

this boy naked, bruised, on the table, flawed, good intentions, big heart, sound mind (most of the time), you get all of me—what would I hide?

what is my shame?

no here it is…. right the fuck here…. I’ve lied, cheated, stole, fucked without care, loved without concern, said things I didn’t mean to hurt someone, said things I did mean to hurt someone… the guts of my life can be displayed … I’ve felt loved and unloved… I’ve hated… I’ve been elated…. I am all parts and none or the other…. I’m awesome and an asshole and indifferent and empathetic and apathetic and angry and happy and humble and a snob and a lover and a slut and a whore and a fake and real and my gray area is my fucking gray area….

so this is where I live.

in pain, in bliss, in failure, in success.

Gin or Vodka Martinis, A Passive-Aggressive Feminist Rant and Critical Thinking for The Everyday

Sipping some special tea, listening to the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens, I am reminded of what a crazy month February always promises to be and how it delivers on that promise consistently. In a month where I turned 32, lost a $100, did some other stuff =) and paid for two very exciting trips I have been challenged with all sorts of heavy thoughts for my aging brain.

Thought Number One:

Very few human beings know how to use critical thinking to problem solve in their lives. One may be able to solve a math equation or reason out an exam question but when it comes down to figuring out what to do about Billy treating you like shit it becomes an unsolvable word problem. Why can't we examine ourselves as critically as we need to? What are we afraid of? One guess is that we are afraid that the answer won't match our ideal outcome. Wouldn't it be great if the solution wasn't to tell Billy he needs to fuck off and die? Sadly all too often the answers that are best for us are too obvious to arrive at. My recommendation is that everyone spend some time being dirt poor, with limited resources and if you survive without needing a bailout from anyone, take that knowledge and apply it accordingly. We survive or die. Or we get by and suffer. Or we numb ourselves to the situation at hand. Boring and unnecessary choices. Consider your options... Can I pay the electric late in order to eat? Can I by three bottles of cheap wine, instead of 1 bottle of good wine for the same price? Rational thought does not need to play second fiddle to emotion. We can be both emotional and rational.... the balance is the theme yet again. Something devastating happens-- go ahead and cry, but also ask yourself-- what's next? What do I do now?

Thought Number Two:

Breakfast at Tiffany's it was not, but considering previous interactions it was tame and fine. Just fine, just okay and certainly not something I look forward to or anything... perhaps you have guessed it-- another ex outing... breakfast on his birthday... I'm civilized and shit. However something did come up that comes up with a lot of people.... this is again a complaint about black or white thinking/ blanket statements and generalizations... I understand people are very convicted in their likes and dislikes but because of this it should be even more relevant and important to not speak as if your likes and dislikes are the only way to go. "Gin Martinis are way better than Vodka Martinis!" My delicious response, "Only if you like Gin." Ugh of course there is more, "No, Gin Martinis are better." Final response, "If one hates Gin, they are never going to agree that Gin Martinis are better." "Oh." I encourage people to keep this in mind whenever they try to tell me something they like is better than what everyone else likes. I feel that this kind of thinking and exclamations of superiority are rooted in one's need to feel special... You are special, but your taste is not, none of our tastes are special to anyone else other than ourselves and those that also like what we like and trust me that's okay.

Thought Number Three:

I don't really have the time to have this conversation with the person(s) I would like to-- over tea, a joint and bareback porn-- so here is my passive aggressive feminist rant to my close friends in relationships with a woman-----> There is a fine line between chivalry and chauvinism... As a feminist I get slightly irritated by the attitude that you need to protect and defend your girlfriends... we are in the 21st century-- these women work multiple jobs, have children and handle their own shit. I know one may think it's sweet to be the rescuer and I have a lecture for the ladies that let this happen all the time.... this dynamic is called co-dependence. If we are truly in an era where we want to erase the gender gap and let people know the devision between women and men is a social construct-- we need to practice what we preach... Hold the door, but make sure you hold it for dudes as well. Be the mack daddy and protector, but don't just do it for your mom and girlfriend or the other women in your life, do it for everyone. So ladies, there are an infinite number of ways your significant man can show he cares about you without making you play the role of princess in the tower (who incidentally could have cut her own damn hair off, tied it to the bedpost and climbed down on her own.) Don't by into the fact that you are more or less of a lady by how passive or submissive you are, if that were the case half of my boyfriends were actually girls. I really want all my sensitive straight guy friends to ponder this, and don't give me that bullshit that it's your natural instinct to take care of your girl-- you all know that's crap fed to us by a patriarchal society and media-- it's constructed so we all follow our little roles and middle America doesn't have to feel too uncomfortable by the Gray Area.